可以幫我看看這篇寫做嗎～

題目: 昨天突然下大雨 你又沒帶傘 根據下篇寫50字左右

Yesterday morning was sunny day, I went to bookstore to read books and bought some magazine, in the afternoon when I went home the rain was coming soon,
But I forgot umbrella so I ran way home. when  I  at  home  I feel  febricity
So I go to sleep. Today is my poor day
可以的話幫我修改吧！

自己有試著寫~~值得鼓勵!!

第一,英文的逗點和句點是分的很清楚的,不能亂用!!
第二,除非是特定或廣義的名詞外,大部分的名詞前面都要加冠詞 a 或定冠詞 the

一些其他的小錯誤
1. Yesterday morning was sunny day -->  
yesterday morning是時間, 跟好天氣沒關悉, Sunny day 是形容天氣所以要用IT 當主詞.

2. the rain was coming soon --> 這樣寫是說,那時快下雨了(但是還沒下), 跟你的圖不符

3. when  I  at  home  I feel  febricity --> When I at home 是一個子句,既然是子句就要有動詞. febricity 是名詞,不會跟在feel後面, Feel 後面通常是加形容詞, 例: I feel tired.  I feel sick.  發燒通常是用Fever. 更口語的說法可以寫成 I feel hot or I feel warm.

4. So I go to sleep. Today is my poor day -->  你都在說昨天早上吧, 怎麼最後都變成現在?

基本上你的基本觀念是有的, 小地方在注意一下吧~~加油
下面是我改的, 希望對你有幫助

JACK

It was a sunny day yesterday morning.  I went to a bookstore to read some books and bought some magazines.  The rain came suddenly when I was on my way home in the afternoon and I didn't bring the umbrella with me. After I got home, I started to have fever, so I went to bed early.  It was really not my day yesterday.

如Jack 所說, 自己有努力過便精神可嘉!
Jack 已經對你的作文做了詳細的說明和修改, 我只能做一些微的補充. 以下是延續Jack替你做的訂正:

1)It was sunny yesterday morning.  I went to a bookstore to read some books and 2)to buy some magazines.  3) The rain came suddenly when I was on my way home in the afternoon 4), and I didn't bring 5)an umbrella with me. After I got home, I started to have 6) a fever, so I went to bed early.  It was really not my day yesterday.

我不如Jack擅長解說, 希望以下對你有幫助:
1) It was sunny yesterday morning - 你可以說Yesterday was a sunny day, 但是因為你只意指昨天早上, 就不用 "sunny day"
2) 盡量不要在句子中間突然更換verb tense. 一般會使用一樣的tense讓句子平衡: to read.... and to buy...如果要換tense, 那就要利用逗號來表示有兩個部份是分開的: I went to a bookstore to read some books, and I bought some magazines afterwards.
3) The rain came suddenly 沒錯, 也可以用: It rained suddenly
4) 需要逗點
5) the umbrella 意指特定的一柄傘...an umbrella 是比較合理的用法
6) fever 是名詞, 需要加 "a"

解說不盡詳細, 希望對你有一點點幫助就好...如果我遺漏了哪裡, 也請大家幫忙補充.